Predictably unpredictable

My brain’s done well; 17 years on from a TBI I can cope (most days) with everyday life and I’m proud to have accomplished that much.

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But it’s the unpredictability that can get to me. It could be predictable if I plan carefully, but not preventable if I had forgotten to organize myself sufficiently.

Day 1: Wake up, slept 9 hours, feel marvellous.  The sun is out, I spend time outside with the dogs, do the shopping, vacuum, pick up my daughter from school and absolutely no worries. Even manage my daily aim of working out and practicing French – and Swedish; I loved ‘The Bridge’ and I like a challenge!

Day 2: Sleep was not so good.  I admit I’m a little obsessive about this having a cracking case of insomnia that’s eased with a miraculous drug (sigh…) and I check my fitbit when I wake up. I start the day tired, walk the dogs because I have to and struggle through a workout. By now I’m annoyed.  WHY didn’t I sleep so well? Bing!  That was it – I have to go to the shrink soon which makes me stressed.

Stressed about going to see a perfectly nice psychiatrist who is supporting me in my claim for financial aid?  Doesn’t sound so bad does it?  In fact, it means driving to the nearest town, buying a ticket & getting the train to the city.  Then getting back in time to fetch my daughter.  And somewhere along the line, buying dinner for us & my husband. And I am uninspired about what to make.  I used to love cooking, trying out new recipes to impress my boyfriend & having friends round to entertain.  Now, cooking is a major stress and I strongly dislike it, especially as we’re trying to eat healthily.

This is one thing that’s bugging me right now; some days I feel good, others I find nerve-wracking, especially if I haven’t planned for what’s coming.

The answer is of course organisation.  If I know what I’m doing in advance for the week, I can plan for it, shop in advance & all is taken care of.  I’m trying, but my brain looks like this most of the time:

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4 thoughts on “Predictably unpredictable

  1. I disagree a little as I think trying to be too organised places even more stress on the brain. So I prefer the more mindful kind approach of self compassion, oh I forgot, oh well, I’ll try again for another time, oh I can’t cook tonite, oh well someone else in the family can help take that on today.if we keep trying to be at the pace we were then we typically will either fail or feel the pain, I’m not good with either so I’m taking the scenic route, love ya little lady! Xx great post .

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I have to disagree with you now Tifty! You may well be right about trying too hard to be organized, but in this case it was a psychiatrist appointment which I had to get to in order to get my drugs.
      Don’t worry, I’m always happy to see how I feel on each day & let things slide if I want. But there are things that have to be done like picking up daughter, taking her to things & watching performances etc. Those I won’t miss especially due to her difficult start to life.
      So yeah, happy to let the majority of things slide, but not all!
      Love ya freckle xx

      Like

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